Tiger Mothers: Still Superior

Recently, there was an interesting study that revisited the efficacy of Tiger Parenting. Su Yeong Kim, associate professor at University of Texas, sought to quantify and measure whether Tiger Parenting was indeed effective. This is how Kim defined Tiger Parenting:

For Kim’s study, parents and children answered questions during the children’s adolescence about their parenting styles. The vast majority of parents were foreign-born in Hong Kong or southern China, with relatively low educational attainment and a median income of between $30,001 and $45,000 in each of the study’s three phases, spaced out equally over eight years. Three-quarters of their kids were American-born. The study controlled for socioeconomic status and other potentially confounding factors. 

. . . 

Adolescents and parents rated the parents on several qualities, for example, “act loving, affectionate, and caring,” “listen carefully,” and “act supportive and understanding.” Warmth, reasoning, monitoring, and democratic parenting were considered positive attributes, while hostility, psychological control, shaming, and punitive measures were considered negative. These characterizations would be combined through a statistical method known as latent profile analysis to determine Kim’s four parenting profiles: Those scoring highest on the positive dimensions were labeled “supportive;” those scoring low on both dimensions were deemed “easygoing;” “harsh” parents were high on negative attributes and low on positive ones, and “tiger” parents scored high on both positive and negative dimensions.

Poor Little Tiger Cub [Slate] (emphasis added)

The result? "[T]iger moms produced kids who felt more alienated from their parents and experienced higher instances of depressive symptoms. They also had lower GPAs, despite feeling more academic pressure."

As the Korean was reading the article, he could practically hear the cheers and see the tears of joy of the many, many haters of the Tiger Parenting idea. When the Korean wrote the post Tiger Mothers are Superior, the reaction was swift and angry as hell, especially from Asian American. Many significant Asian American bloggers and writers spilled much digital ink claiming that Tiger Parenting was in fact inferior, and and was responsible for all the bad things that happened in their lives. Wesley Yang found notoriety through his New Yorker article, talking about how he heroically defied the yoke of Asian culture upon himself and told younger Asian Americans to do the same. Kim Wong Keltner, in her book Tiger Babies Strike Back, kvetched about how she grew up having "no idea how to connect with other people." So, what does the Korean think about this development? Is he ready to change his mind about the benefits of Tiger Parenting?

Hardly. Tiger Mothers are still superior. And here is why.

(More after the jump.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

Why is Tiger Parenting superior? To repeat the previous post, Tiger Parenting is superior because it creates superior results. Although Tiger Parenting may be found in any ethnicity, Asian Americans may serve as a natural experiment of sorts because they are a relatively homogeneous group in which Tiger Parenting is the norm. While not every Asian Americans may be successful, Asian Americans, as a group, are spectacularly successful despite facing long odds as racial minority and immigrants. This success is hardly limited to earning a lot of money and holding down a white collar professional job. Successful Asian American artists, athletes, business leaders, thought leaders, etc. are numerous, and their number is disproportionately large compared to the number of Asian Americans in the United States.

None of this changed between Amy Chua's book in 2011 and Su Yeong Kim's study in 2013. Tiger Parenting is still dominant among Asian Americans, and Asian Americans continue to succeed. This leads to a simple conclusion: what changed was the angle of view, not the thing itself. Indeed, Forbes posed this very question to Kim: "why do Asian-American kids so dominate at Stuyvesant, the public school that has the highest bar to admission in the city, while Asian-American students make up only around 14% of the city’s total public school population?" Kim was forthcoming with the answer: "I don’t have an answer for you. That will have to be the subject of my next study."

This is an important point. Based on experience, it is evident that Asian Americans employ a particular parenting strategy. (To be sure, similar strategy may appear frequently in other ethnicity as well, but not as uniformly as Asian Americans.) It is also evident that Asian Americans enjoy a great deal of success in the United States. So why does Kim's study fail to capture this very real success?

Part of the explanation may be about the sample. As Jeff Yang explains in the Wall Street Journal:

Class and education clearly play a role in the effectiveness of “Tiger”-style parenting — at least as far as academic achievement. My parents were strict, and had high expectations for my achievement, but they also did much more than just encourage and enforce: They spent hours working with me, answering questions, teaching workarounds, patiently (and sometimes impatiently) putting as much effort into my education as I did. Would that be true of parents who don’t speak English, or didn’t graduate from high school, or who work 80-hour weeks at a restaurant and come home exhausted? You could make a case that for parents whose backgrounds and cultural context don’t allow them to roll up their sleeves and help, being Supportive could certainly produce better results than being Harsh or Tiger.

Tiger Mom Amy Chua Responds to Tiger Baby [Wall Street Journal]

But I think this is only a part of the explanation. My sense about Kim' study is that this is fundamentally a problem of definition. Kim's definition of Tiger Parenting is in the emphasized portion above: a parenting strategy that is both significantly warm and significantly harsh at the same time. This definition is not off-base; Tiger Parenting is in fact characterized by the parents' willingness to be strict and demanding. The Asian American experience confirms this, and so does Amy Chua's book.

Yet this definition is incomplete. Tiger Parenting is much more than mere mechanics and strategies. An essential part of Tiger Parenting is the underlying assumption about the child's potential, and how to maximize it. This assumption is different from other styles of parenting.

What is the essence of Tiger Parenting? None other than First Lady Michelle Obama captured it succinctly, as she was discussing the way she was raising Sasha and Malia Obama. Michelle Obama made her daughters take up two sports: one of their choosing, and the other chosen by their mother. Why? "I want them to understand what it feels like to do something you don’t like and to improve."

That quote is the essence of Tiger Parenting. The goal of Tiger Parenting is teach the children how to overcome adversity. This is an absolutely essential skill for life, because even in the best possible circumstances, life is full of adversity. Take it from a guy who is married to a woman with her dream job: not even your dream job is dream-like at every moment. And of course, getting to the point where you achieve your dreams require a long, seemingly interminable, stretch of hard work and sacrifice. Without such hard work and sacrifice, nothing gets done. There is no situation in life in which sloth is awarded over activity.

The goal of Tiger Parenting entails an underlying assumption: the child does have the innate ability to overcome those adversities. With proper level of goal-setting, and with proper level of back-pushing, the Tiger Cub will learn to overcome the difficulties that she will undoubtedly face in her life. Indeed, this is what causes the tough methodology of Tiger Parenting. How will Tiger Parents make the Tiger Cubs keep doing what they do not like? Encouragement and cajoling alone will never work. The parents will have to become tough, at times verging on harsh. And the parents may become quite tough, because the child will be able to overcome the challenge and become even stronger.

We discussed much of this in the context of Asian Americans, but this basic lesson actually is not lost upon other Americans as well. If Michelle Obama was not enough, how about Coach Leta Andrews? Andrews, the coach for girls' basketball in Granbury High School in Texas, is the winningest high school basketball coach ever. Here is how Andrews and her former player (who was a four-time Olympian) described Andrews's coaching philosophy:

Former players stay in touch. In 1996, Andrews traveled to Atlanta to cheer on Amy Acuff, who had played for her championship team in Corpus Christi and was now competing in the Olympic high jump. Three years ago, shortly after having stents implanted in a blocked artery, Andrews drove eight hours to attend the funeral of Cerny’s mother.

Acuff, a four-time Olympian, said: “I think people often are afraid to discipline kids; they feel it is too harsh or that the kid won’t love you. But I think the root of respect and love is a person expecting and demanding that you be as good as you can be every single moment.”

Andrews longs for more diversity on her team and more gym rats, players who want to win as badly as she does. “Don’t run around like a chicken with your head cut off,” she scolded her offense Monday. But she is not ready to retire. The only win that is important, she said, is the next one.

“I’m not ready to turn this over to these younger coaches,” Andrews told her husband recently. “They just don’t demand enough.”

Texas Coach Demands Best, Has Record to Prove It [New York Times] (emphasis added)

Demand enough, push hard, and the children will deliver results. This is but another incarnation of Tiger Parenting. 

It is very important to keep in mind the priorities of concepts involved. Tiger Parents are not tough because they are sadistic monsters. Learning to overcome adversity is the goal; toughness is just a mechanics of getting there. Virtually all the errors surrounding Tiger Parenting are some version of confusing the mechanics of Tiger Parenting with its goal. This is the central error of Kim' study:  the study measures the parents' actions, but not the motivation underlying the actions. This is also a common error for those who stridently decried Amy Chua's book when it came out: they were so distracted by the "no sleepovers" rule (which is just mechanics) that they completely lost sight of why such a rule is necessary. 

Confusing the priority of these concepts also lead to failed Tiger Parenting--which, like all parenting failures, may come with devastating results. I have seen many cases of Asian parents, who never quite grasped the priority of these concepts, simply punished their children for bad grades without stopping to think about what the punishments are supposed to achieve. This is not Tiger Parenting; this is nothing more than the hollow simulacrum of Tiger Parenting that opponents mistake true Tiger Parenting to be.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

Ask a Korean! News: Japan Didn't Really Change

The Korean is having a very busy stretch, but he cannot let this one slide:

Osaka Mayor and Nippon Ishin no Kai (Japan Restoration Party) coleader Toru Hashimoto refused Wednesday to back down from his comments about the necessity of the “comfort woman” system during the war or the desirability of legal brothels in Okinawa for U.S. military personnel.

. . .

On his advice to American officials in Okinawa earlier this month that U.S. military personnel should make more use of sex establishments as a way of controlling their sexual urges, Hashimoto said he did not tell the U.S. that it should use such facilities, or to build such facilities, noting it was only a suggestion.

Hashimoto sticks to guns on sex slaves [Japan Times]

When the Korean wrote the long series on Korea-Japan relations to explain why Koreans are still angry with the Japanese, a lot of people responded:  "Today's Japan is a very different place from the Imperial Japan during World War II. So Koreans should just get over it."

Is it now? Today's Japan has a mayor of a major city, who is considered a potential future Prime Minister, telling the world that sex slaves are necessary in times of war and the U.S. forces in his own country should visit brothels more often. Today's Japan has a Prime Minister who is a grandson of a Class A war criminal. But rather than having a heightened consciousness about his country's past crimes, he sits in an airplane with the number 731--clear invocation of Unit 731, which conducted live human experimentation during World War II--grinning and giving a thumbs-up. 

The fact that these two leaders think Japan did nothing wrong during World War II was hardly a secret. Prime Minister Abe Shinzo announced to the world that he would withdraw Japan's apology to former Comfort Women, and denied that Imperial Japan forcibly recruited the Comfort Women to serve as sex slaves. Yet the Japanese people overwhelmingly elected Abe, as well as the candidates for the far-right Japan Restoration Party, to which Mayor Hashimoto belongs.

By the way, the former Comfort Women are still holding their weekly protest in front of the Japanese Embassy in Seoul. They have been protesting every week, without fail, for more than 20 years. Commemorating the 1000th Wednesday Protest, this is what the Korean wrote:

The Japanese people I know are wonderful, kind, artistic, gritty and civic-minded people, worthy of deep admiration. But the longer this takes, I cannot draw myself away from this appalling conclusion:  Japan, as a whole, does not think it did anything wrong to these women. I desperately want to believe that the Japanese people are not amoral monsters, who would rather play the cynical waiting game until all of the former Comfort Women die away. But each time the Wednesday protesters are turned away, each time the Japanese Embassy protests a statue commemorating the Comfort women, my faith in human decency, common among all people of all places and times, gets chipped away little by little.

With these two latest scandals, the Korean's faith in the decency of the Japanese people took a very large hit. Did Japan really change? You tell me.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

AAK! PSA: Fundraiser for Deceased Korean Expat

Dear Korean,

I know this isnt usually your standard fare, but recently our friend Kevin Andresen from the UK has passed away in Korea, an article about which is here. As you can imagine, it is super expensive to send his remains home, so we have started a fundraising website (http://www.gofundme.com/2vigbc) to help us and his mother.

Liam

If you are inclined, please visit the site and donate to help.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

Why So Many Korean Missionaries?

Dear Korean,

Christianity in Korea is a complex subject, but I have a simple question: why are there so many Korean missionaries?

Mati

Short answer:  it was born that way.

But let's back up a bit first. It is absolutely true that there are a great number of Korean Christian missionaries. Korea sends more missionaries abroad than any other country except for the United States. According to Korea World Missions Association, an umbrella organization for Korea's Protestant missionaries, more than 23,000 Korean missionaries are proselytizing abroad as of January 2012. The top five destinations are China, United States, Japan, the Philippines and India.

So why so many Christian missionaries from Korea? One obvious reason is that Christianity is a significant presence in Korea. According to the official governmental survey in 2005, nearly 30 percent of Koreans were Christians. Among them, approximately 12 percent were Catholics, and 18 percent were Protestants. (For reference: 46.5 percent of Koreans do not have any religion. After Christianity, Buddhism is the biggest religion, as nearly 23 percent of Koreans are Buddhists.)

But more importantly, Christian churches of Korea are enthusiastic about sending missions because missions were the vehicle through which Korea's Christianity began. One must remember that Christianity in Korea has a history of nearly two centuries. Catholicism arrived at Korea in the early 1800s, and the first Korean priest (St. Andrew Kim Taegon, who is also the patron saint of Korea) was ordained in 1845. Protestantism arrived at Korea a bit later, but it was just as successful. The Pyongyang Revival of 1907 was attended by so many people, whose faith was so intense, that Pyongyang came to be known as the "Jerusalem of the East."

Two centuries is a long time, but not quite long enough for people to forget the origin of their faith. Nearly all major congregations in Korea can trace its origin to a missionary who came to Korea in the early 19th century. In addition, for decades after Korean War, Korea saw a constant stream of American missionaries who came to provide humanitarian aid in the war-torn country, and assist the development of Korean churches. 

Thus, missionary work is deeply embedded in Korean churches. It was how they were born, and how they were raised. It is only natural, then, that these congregations would consider serving missions to be one of the most important duties as Christians.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

Still Think Asian Pop Stars Can't Go Mainstream?

Dear Korean,

I am an avid reader of Korean pop news. I know this might be old, but popular Kpop stars such as BoA and Se7en are planning to enter the US mainstream market. Some people have deep doubts about their ability to make it. I, being a skeptic and cynic, too have my doubts. But a part of me wonder, if cross-cultural singers such as Ricky Martin can go mainstream, why can't us Asians? What do you think the problem is? Is it the cultural difference that block Kpop artists way to the Grammy's or is it racism? A friend of mine mentions how Kpop music is "behind" in mainstream America because the idea of pop idol stars', boy band's, girl band's era are over. And BoA and Se7en carries the "dead pop" act that is widespread in Korea that is essentially "old-fashioned" in America. But how the hell do you explain the ugly and painful phenomenon that is the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus?

Slightly Confused Non-Crazy Fangirl

This email is from February 23, 2009. Yes, the line of unanswered question is actually that long. More than 1,400 questions, accumulated over four years, about which the Korean thought worthwhile to write a post. By the way, this question is not even the oldest question in the queue--that honor belongs to a question sent to the Korean on September 26, 2008.

Now, about the question itself. If you are wondering, no, the Korean is not planning to answer this question. This guy made the question moot:

(Come on, play it one more time, for old time's sake. 1.5 billion people did it already.)

In the early stages of K-pop, so many critics argued that K-pop could only be a limited attraction within Asia. Others mistakenly took a crabbed view of K-pop, reducing it to upbeat dance music performed by pretty young things--which became another reason why K-pop could never succeed in America. They made all the same points that the questioner raised--that K-pop was too staged, too behind, too Korean, too Asian.

Oh, how they were wrong. We now have a K-pop star, not particularly beautiful, singing entirely in Korean, who became a record-breaking worldwide sensation. Sports stadiums would play his music during breaks in the game. College marching bands would play his song during halftime, and the cheerleaders would dance his dance. For Halloween, American people would dress up not just as him, but as the entire cast in his music video. South Park episodes would feature his looks. Saturday Night Live would make a skit out of his song. He would seamlessly blend in with American icons like Madonna and MC Hammer. He would perform at the White House Christmas party, then in the center stage of the Times Square on the new year's eve.

Amazing how things change in just a few years, right? But just you wait, because K-pop's best days are still ahead.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

50 Most Influential K-pop Artists: 14. Park Jin-yeong

[Series Index]

14. Park Jin-yeong [박진영]

Also romanized as:  Park Jin Young, JYP

Years of Activity: 1992 - present? (Last album in 2007)

Discography:
Wandering Time [떠도는 시간] (1992) (as Park Jin-yeong and the New Generation [박진영과 신세대])
Blue City (1994)
Entertainer [딴따라] (1995)
Summer Jingle Bells (1996)
Even After a Decade [십년이 지나도] (1998)
Park Jin-yeong 5th (1998)
Game (2001)
Back to Stage (2007)

Representative Song:  Elevator [엘레베이터], from Entertainer

엘레베이터

Elevator

엘리베이터 안에서 우린 사랑을 나누지

In the elevator we make love

그 누구도 모르게 비밀스런 사랑을

A secret love that no one knows

엘리베이터 안에서 우린 사랑을 나누지

In the elevator we make love

지하에서 윗층까지 벨이 울릴때까지

From the basement to the penthouse, until the bell rings

우리는 만났어 처음 만났어 우린 첫눈에 보자마자 반했어

We met, met for the first time, we fell at the first sight

흘러나오는 웃음을 참지못해 서로에게서 도저히 눈을 떼지못해

We couldn't hold the laughs, couldn't take our eyes off of each other

우리는 느꼈어 예 느꼈어 새로운 사랑의 시작을 우린 느꼈어

We felt it, yeah, we felt it, we felt the beginning of a new love

이 설레임 이 두근거림 너무나 오랜만에 느껴보는 이 느낌

This fluttering, this heart-beating, this feeling that I'm feeling for the first time in so long

하지만 더 기쁜건 더 중요한건

But the thing that's even happier, the thing that's even more important

그녀도 분명히 느끼고 있는 것 같다는 것

Is she seems like she is definitely feeling it too

그녀도 분명히 내게 반한 것 같다는 것

She seems like she is definitely into me too

이제 외롭던 날들의 끝인 것

Now the lonely days are over

그래서 우린 나갔어 헤어지기가 아쉬워서 

So we stepped out, but I couldn't let her go

저 저녁식사나라고 하려는데

So I was about to say, hey how about a dinner

그녀가 먼저 (제가 저녁 사드릴께요)

But she first goes (I'll buy you a dinner)

시간이 가는줄도 밤이 깊어가는줄도 모르고 

We forgot the time passing, forgot that the night deepening

수없이 많은 얘기를 나눴고 

Shared so many stories

서로의 맘속에 사랑이 싹트며 서로의 눈을 지그시 바라보며

Love sprouted in our hearts, we gazed into each other's eyes

식당문을 열고 집으로 가기위해 엘리베이터를 탔는데

Opened the restaurant door, to go home, we got on the elevator

엘리베이터 안에서 우린 사랑을 나누지

In the elevator we make love

그 누구도 모르게 비밀스런 사랑을

A secret love that no one knows

엘리베이터 안에서 우린 사랑을 나누지

In the elevator we make love

지하에서 윗층까지 벨이 울릴때까지

From the basement to the penthouse, until the bell rings

(여보세요)

(Hello)

(예 저 진영인데요 저 오늘 재미있으셨어요)

(Hey it's Jin-yeong. Did you have fun today?)

(예 즐거웠어요)

(Yes, I had fun)

(저 그럼 내일 또 만날수 있어요)

(Then can we meet again tomorrow?)

(왜요 또 만나고 싶어요)

(Why, you want to meet again?)

(네 저 내일 그럼 어디 갈까요)

(Yeah, so where should we go tomorrow?)

(어 63 빌딩)

(Hm, the 63 Building)

그후로 오랫동안 우린 만났어

For a long time thereafter we met

서로의 맘속에 들어갈수록 들어가서 들여다볼수록

As we got into each other hearts, as we looked into them inside

점점 더 빠져 들었어 이제 돌이킬수가 없어

We got into it deeper and deeper, can't go back now

호기심을 넘어 좋아하는 걸 넘어 사랑을 향해 다가가고 있어

Getting over curiosity, getting over liking, we are approaching love

이제는 때가 됐다 생각이 들어서 

I thought it was the right time

카페에서 마주보고 앉아 있다가 

We were sitting across from each other at the cafe

일어나서 그녀에게 다가가 우리 이제 이렇게 앉자며 옆에 앉았어

I got up, approached her, and said let's sit like this now, and sat next to her

자연스럽게 그녀의 가는 어깨 위에 살며시 팔을 올리려고 하는데

I was trying to naturally put my arm on her slender shoulders, and then

그녀가 먼저 살며시 내게 기댔어

She first quietly leaned into me

와 두 뺨에 흐르는 눈물

Wow, tears rolled down my cheeks

좋아 그럼 용기를 내서 뽀뽀를 해보기로 마음을 먹고 

Alrighty then, I got up the courage to try kissing her

눈을 맞추며 조금씩 다가가는데

We lock eyes, and get closer to each other

(박진영 씨 싸인 좀 해주시겠어요)

(Mr. Park Jin-yeong, can I get your autograph?)

그래서 나는 모든걸 잊고 깨끗이 마음을 비우고

So I forgot everything, got everything out of my mind,

카페 문을 열고 집에 가려고 엘리베이터를 탔는데

Opened the cafe door, trying to go home, and got on the elevator

(무슨 생각해)

(What are you thinking?)

(너랑 같은 생각)

(Same thing you are thinking.)

(무슨 생각인데)

(What's that?)

(엘리베이터 안에 너랑 나밖에 없다는거)

(That only you and I are in this elevator)

엘리베이터 안에서 우린 사랑을 나누지

In the elevator we make love

그 누구도 모르게 비밀스런 사랑을

A secret love that no one knows

엘리베이터 안에서 우린 사랑을 나누지

In the elevator we make love

지하에서 윗층까지 벨이 울릴때까지

From the basement to the penthouse, until the bell rings

Translation note:  63 Building, or formally known as the Daehan Life Building, was the tallest building in Korea at the time of this song--which presumably means the longest elevator ride.

In 15 words or less:  Korea's Madonna.

Maybe he should be ranked higher because...   If you consider his influence as a businessman, it is arguable that he is one of the few people who created K-pop as we know it today.

Maybe he should be ranked lower because...  What did he do musically? Did he do anything more than adding a bit of different zeitgeist?

Why is this artist important?

We all know who Park Jin-yeong is. Better known now as JYP to his international admirers, he is the head of the "big 3" entertainment companies of Korea, the JYP Entertainment. He is the guy who came up with Rain, Wonder Girls, 2PM and the like. But forget all that for a minute--because Park Jin-yeong, the artist alone, stripped of his business accomplishments, remains a very important figure in the history of K-pop.

The Korean considers Park Korea's Madonna, and the designation does not come lightly. Broadly speaking, Madonna achieved two things in her career:  she compelled people to take dance pop music seriously as an art form, and she revolutionized the portrayal of sex in mainstream music. Park Jin-yeong  achieved those same things in Korea.

History of pop music features a constant tension between the pulls in the opposite directions--the desire to elevate the music to the realm of art, and the desire to sell the music to the masses. The tension separates Nirvana and Justin Bieber, as well as Yoo Jae-ha and Girls' Generation. Like Madonna, Park Jin-yeong subverted that tension. He engaged in the "low" music, but carried himself like he was the second coming of Mozart. The title of his second album, Entertainer [딴따라], said it all. 딴따라 is a derogatory term for "entertainer," reminiscent of the grasshopper in the fable: lazy and overall useless. But Park gladly labeled himself as 딴따라, announcing to the world that he is here to make people respect him.

Park's blatant sexuality was another lightning rod. The risque depiction in Elevator was jaw-dropping for Korea in 1995. He also made waves by declaring repeatedly on television that "sex is just a game." His concerts were more like a burlesque show. Korea, at first, tut-tutted on this brash young pup. But over the next decade and a half, it was JYP who had the last laugh. He managed to become respected while staying true as an entertainer, and sex was never freer in Korea. That's some influence.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.